why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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