the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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