did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
