There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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