she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
