It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
