goodnight i made you a song goodbye
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You're a disaster
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