remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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