So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
do herpes really smell.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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