I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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