There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
