My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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