8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
