her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
