therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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