You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
