Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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