I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
