she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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