Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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