I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
