Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
