I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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