She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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