i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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