Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
