if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
