OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
