my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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