living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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