i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
