lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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