hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You are a genius and a whore.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
