Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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