now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
