): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
