Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I pour the whiskey from now on
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
