Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
