great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
