Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize