mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
we're so committed to being not committed
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
