maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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