I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
