I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
