Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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