I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
