she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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