did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
