do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
