If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
