I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
