batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
