At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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