He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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